I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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