did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
