Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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