false alarm. still invincible.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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