im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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