Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
