i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
