Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
