ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize