Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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