and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize