i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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