My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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