Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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