it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
