he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
