Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
