She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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