I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize