A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we made out on top of his cat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If I die, sorry about rent.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
