Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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