No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
