He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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