I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
