And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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