i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
