i just google imaged poop.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
zippers are such a cool invention
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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