So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize