I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
