i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
