I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
