In the future we'll all be gay
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
