I want to stick my p in your. b.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
