I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
