is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
