Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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