Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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