I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
