my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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