Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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