she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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