Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
