Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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