he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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