his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
