then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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