How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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