Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish you could order shots online.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
