WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
