Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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