I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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