I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
