i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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