Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
