I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
