i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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