What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
