dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
