Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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