Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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