Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
