i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
