oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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