I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
