new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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