i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
