Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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