please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
