ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
