And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
