Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
vagina is talking i cant
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
