what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
