Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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