You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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