Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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