Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
