Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
