drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
