I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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