I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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