speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You've changed since you got that strap on
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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