I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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