You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize