tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
