2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
