THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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