dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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