im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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