I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
