angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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