I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
