final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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