i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
