carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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